Swede

For the past few years, the WBFL has had a golf outing, the Great WBFL Golfing Extravaganza. No one really golf’s, so it’s all fun and games. One of the guys, Angryswede, says he doesn’t know how to play, but that’s OK, he can just throw the ball. This leads to several days of arguing about how far you can throw a golf ball. He says he can throw it further than he can hit it. He says he can throw it over 100 yards. If you’ve ever tried to throw a golf ball you know, it doesn’t throw well. I check with every golfer I can think of, no one thinks anyone can throw a golf ball 100 yards. Secure in the knowledge it’s an unachievable task, I set about forcing Swede into a $100 bet.  The bet is simple, either he can, or can't throw a golfball 100 yards.  If he throws it 100 yards, he wins.  Simple. He accepts the bet, we shake hands, the deal is done.

Confident in my growing string of wins, I assume this will be another easy $100 and an opportunity to torment another of the guys that taunts me for being old. I’m all a twitter with anticipation. I decide to start my fun early and convince him he should have a test throw. There’s a softball field at the end of the road. I tell him to try throwing the ball from the road, to over the backstop. It’s not 100 yards, but it’s close. After work, we conduct the test. I grab a ball and toss it to him. In one movement, he catches the ball, turns and flips it towards the backstop. It’s almost an underhand throw. He doesn’t back up a couple of steps and chuck it. He just side arm flips it. That ball cleared the top of the backstop by about 20 feet. My chin hit the pavement; the little prick can do it. I toss him another ball, he does it again. CRAP, I’m screwed. There are 4 of us at this test. Two other guys tried the toss. One guy couldn’t reach the infield. The other got it to roll up almost to the pitcher’s mound. Now that’s what I was expecting. The 6’, 225 lb guy couldn’t get the ball out of the outfield. The little 5 foot nothing, 125 lb guy, tosses it 20 feet over the backstop. Life’s not fair. Quick, how do I change the bet?

So the bet is, Mark has to toss the ball 100 yards. I get him to move the challenge to my yard. I figure, he’ll have to toss it over trees to make it 100 yards. I figure that the height he has to toss the ball to clear the trees will reduce the distance he will get. However, I also figure, it would be better if I could get the bet canceled. So I go to work on him. As it gets closer, I start to get more desperate. It’s not the money I’m worried about. It’s giving them (the little kiddies) more ammunition for harassment. So I tip my hand. I send him a photograph of my yard. I show him the trees and where he’ll be tossing the ball from. I tell him that I’d feel bad cheating him, and I offer to cancel the bet. But he’s not biting. He doesn’t care about the trees. At this point, he doesn’t seem to care about the bet. He’s curious to see if he can make the toss. He’s going to throw the ball. DAMN!

So we play golf, and afterwards, all adjourn to my house for the Great Golf Ball Toss. I get Swede to where I want him to throw from and start explaining what he has to do. I no sooner start talking than he flips the ball over the trees. 6 guys start yelling and laughing. He’s won the bet on his first throw. They (not me, I’m done) make him throw about a dozen more balls. Every time he gets a little more distance. Eventually, he reaches the road. That’s approximately 400 feet away. Others try making the throw. No one else clears the trees. As soon as he wins the bet, he jumps in his car and leaves. He didn’t stick around for the BBQ or even a drink. He just humiliated me and left. I hate him now.

So my record is now 9-1-0. The only one I care about is that single loss. Did I mention I hate him now? This is the day I started calling him LGM. Old Guys still rule. But that’s only because LGM is now 30, so to the rest of the kiddies, he’s an Old Guy.

Now this is the icing on the cake. After LGM makes the throw my buddy LEO (hate him too), looks at me and says, “oh, did I forget to tell you, he’s got a cannon for an arm.”